to blog or not to blog

that is the question.

i’m thinking of taking up blogging again… for reals. well, i guess the perfect re-initiation is complete randomness:

God, how do you do it? be invisible, but seen, unignored, unignorable? how do you do it?

i feel blind when i look up at the sky at night and see no stars because of clouds. i strain to see.

cruithne (croo-een-ya)
“earth’s second moon”. i christened october “cruithne awareness month”, but people got “concernced”. “so”. “i”. “stopped.” sorry, i just really like “quotation marks”.

i didn’t start talking until i was 5. i could talk, i just chose not to. at least, that’s my theory. do any of you remember exactly what you were thinking at age 5?? jeez.

you know how God was just there, well, how does he cope with the fact that no one and/or nothing created him? so what is God’s purpose in life? why does he exist? yes, why does he exist?? just to create? how long has he been here? how many other planets, galaxies, universes has he made? it must be lonely and terrible to be God. he doesn’t know, he will never know what it’s like to be known by someone, inside and out, and be loved. he doesn’t know what it’s like to have a creator… someone who can validate you, a true father so to speak. what can that kind of loneliness lead to? the creation of beings who cause more pain than positivity? what will God do after all of us die? just live with us forever in heaven? how can he live with the thought of people suffering in hell? i certainly could not! i can not. will he just stop creating? what is his purpose? i am so insignificant, i am wind… these questions drive me mad! i am wind, i could dissolve for thinking such unfathomable thoughts!

“so, erica, what do you do for fun?”

“fun? … i read books.”

“i said ‘fun’”

happy thanksgiving, everyone. be thankful more than once a year.