September 2007

(please imagine that you have just discovered this as a piece of paper lying on the floor, written by a girl named Erica, who you do not know.)

Part One: Doubt Is A Thing Of The Present

Don’t worry about the guilt you are definitely not feeling right now; this was left for you to find.

Oh, but it’s your arrogance that makes me love you! The fact that you have next to no conscience, that you feel no shame in prying into the heart and mind of another human being. it’s because you don’t know me, right? Ha! That is the lie that feeds off your morality tank!

Well, I suppose I enjoy your lack of restraint. It may cause some obscure sort of friendship, with all the subtle and delicate manners of pseudo-intimacy… dare I say.

By all means, carry on! You haven’t had so much as an inkling to stop your wrong-doing, so enjoy yourself at least. I won’t say anything of much use.

And now, we begin…

I saw a fairy when I was thirteen years old. It’s not important whether you believe me or not. The important thing is that I convinced both of the girls who were with me that they saw it too. It was then that I realized the power, the danger, in words and in enthusiasm (passion).

In the recent years, I have been conducting a series of experiments every morning as I ride the bus to school:

First, I enter the bus and sit on an aisle seat, leaving an empty space to my right. As the bus gathers people, swallowing them like the greedy insect she is, I wait and see who will ask for the seat to my right. There is a pattern; as long as I avert my eyes from theirs, they walk drearily on. The window seat becomes an anchor upon eye contact. I have, many times, asked myself why this is, and all I can tell you is that for a fleeting moment there is a lapse in time and space. In this moment, all the contents of your heart and mind are transferred to the other. This happens with the shock and agility of a lightning bolt in all its plasmic glory. In fact, it happens so quickly that the receiver dismisses all she has seen with almost equal speed. If that were not enough, this modern age demands that you end all sort of illogical and unscientific imaginations that may poison your reasonable mind. Dare you blaspheme the name of science?! For shame!

Humans are truly fascinating creatures who love to drastically underestimate themselves.

[[a poem about a person]]

dearest unknown…

is there yet a piece of me,
be it lost in the universe,
that has not loved you? (!)

but it could not be so!

for you are too much the colloid that my heart dissolves in

and love travels on butterfly wings
with the attack of lightning
__________________________________

[[and one about the moon]]

i cannot hate the moon for her non-paraded beauty,
so i hate her for her supremacy.

she is always looking, but never seeing…
as though stuck in a dream,
a memory of an ill-mended heart.
__________________________________

[[and another one about sorrow]]

the bottom is no rock
it’s our tears and sorrow
the sea when you’re lost
like a cold, cold heart…

…dive into the ocean,
sleep a thousand years
each thought a sway of the current

those stars, the children of eternity, laugh down at me
from which side of sorrow do you sing?
oh how i suffer so insignificantly
with cold hands and colder heart.

i don’t really have anything to say. all my thoughts have been too internal… in a language i can’t translate. i feel WEIRD. exhausted and wide awake at the same time… like i want to do nothing and everything. it’s really quite terrible. do you ever just feel sick of everything about yourself? i’m taking it out on my clothes right now. i HATE all my clothes… they’re all so stupid and i want new ones. i wish my hair was straight, i wish my eyes were blue, i wish i had a cool accent.

want to know something crazy? think of the universe, in all it’s expansive glory, and the planet earth. the WHOLE planet has been mapped out. it can fit on a wall in my bedroom and we can travel to any part of it in a matter of hours. how big is the universe exactly? i mean, even I’VE been across the planet. how weird is that!? i’ve travel some of the world… crazy…

isn’t it funny how some people are insanely talented? how do they live with themselves??