December 2006

ok, so now that i know you can’t follow instructions ;), read on:

“please!” she cleared her throat, “please, sit. i insist… my name is stella.” she said, trying hard not to appear desperate. good company was hard to come by in those parts. i know he can’t read my thoughts, although i’m still afraid to look him in the eye.

“is it really because you’re afraid i’ll read your thoughts?” perus asked with a clever grin.

…silence…

he continued, feeling rude, “my grandfather used to tell me stories of the people this far north. he told me they believed certain people could read their thoughts if eye contact was made.”

her exhale of relief was concealed by the tea cup she brought to her lips. for once, i am glad i’ve misunderstood… “the wind knows our thoughts… the trees, the sunlight, the rivers, they all know what is in our minds, so we assume other humans are the same way. it is only this.” memories of her time in the city came trickling back. city people were just so sensible. “the truth is, no such connection exists.”

“hmm…” his face looked thoughtful, “so, it’s a connection you want. a connection to someone’s soul. that is accomplished through music.”

now… www.myspace.com/ansusberkanamusic. just for kicks, ya know?

wow. my hair. it’s gone.

angle numero zwei

and then i turned into an alien.

so yesterday was the capoeira batizado! i got my first belt, white and yellow! here’s a video of me fighting in the roda. you can see when the guy knocks me down in the end, i kick him. wuahahaha! take that.

also check out Michael’s site.
axé,
andorinha

no, we cannot be comforted. sometimes i play a little game with myself, perhaps you should try it: imagine this universe, this world, our lives as web sites- all the things we see are just little lines of code. we have been tricked into thinking the colors and sounds and smells are there. now imagine if you didn’t know this, how much more you don’t know. are we that limited? how do we know if what we see is real? we cannot know! no matter how much we want to, we cannot! we can’t, we can’t, we can’t. this frightens me! i will die without knowing if i ever really existed! and no one is able to calm you down unless you yourself decide to calm down. the only thing that is keeping you from always being in a state of panic is you. this doesn’t give you more power, no, this shows how limited we are.

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when i am angry, why do i want to be alone? defense mechanism. something in me said that, but it came so suddenly that i doubt it could’ve been me. something in me says i want to make others angry. i want to give others my anger so i won’t have it, but something else in me knows better. others cannot calm me. it is only i who can decide to settle down. it takes so long. i think i have to convince myself that time is what cures it. perhaps i only wait, wait, wait and then decide to stop the anger (i think it’s the time that decides it for me).

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sometimes i wonder if i’m really in another dimension, but i’m in a coma and i just think i’m living here. all the people come to the hospital and whisper words in my ears, “we still love you dear”, “one day you’ll get better”. do i hear their voices at night? sometimes life here seems fake. that may be the danger of reading too many good books- you’ll not only confuse them as memories, but you’ll begin to believe all life is only a book. well, who’s going to tell me if i’m only imagining this world? i would have created you and if i believe it’s real, surely you would too. i may never know if i’m real or not! but maybe that’s just what you need to change the world. you can’t take life too seriously or you’ll want to do everything just right. if you think it’s all make-believe, it doesn’t really matter what you do. you might as well do something extra-ordinary, since it’s your world.

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where is God? i’m suffering, i’m hurting, i’m alone and there is only silence. silence. silence? people always say that when they need God the most, he is silent. aha, but didn’t he say he is in the silence? i heard an ancient story of a man who searched for God: he stood perhaps on a mountain top and a fierce wind came! but God was not there… then the thunder and lightening came! but God was not there… then fire came! but God was not there either… and finally, there was silence. silence. silence. and God was there.

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i hate it when i figure out magic tricks

it is, for reals! go to www.dayoftheninja.com or www.askaninja.com to find out more!

oh yeah, i found this random picture and thought it was super cool.